Now a days, I wish I could sit by the river side in the night under the black sky, listening to my own breath only; will be there till the dawn and then noon, evening and night… like waiting for some one. I know that nobody will come. Still will be there as If I don’t have anything to do and anywhere to go.

I know my wish will be in mind only and thus creating no space for any story.

Illness can not be story, nor even the staring at the roof of while lying on my bed in my room. Those idle sitting before computer pretending that you are doing some extra ordinary job both in office as well as in home, those false or hypocratic facebook or gtalk status message can not be story any more. Those uploading of pictures to show the world that you living life the fullest but sadly revealing your loneliness.

 I don’t think I can write a story any more.

Isn’t it strange that with first job, corporate life; most importantly in Mumbai, there should have so many stories? But what to write. The pretention, show off, drinking, smoking, cursing boss or colleagues, going to movies as your presence will gracious the occasion, reality shows, shopping malls – these will not ever impact my mind.

 I feel suffocated, feel absolute feelingless. Covering my face with news paper with ear phone on, sitting in bus, I see the outside, the crowd, the traffic jam and the darkness…everyday. The yesterdays mock and smile at me. Those dreams still haunts and more so the pain of unfullfillness. This story I can’t write.

 Those real or fake terrorism, right or wrong report of climate change, to support or not to support the naxals, my name is khan or iyer…all come to ear and stop, does not create any emotion inside the brain. I close my eyes with the comfort cushion and unless, my own identity or those who are concerned with that identity are not disturbed, I continue closing my eyes. Why should I take responsibility or create hypertension. Every moment, the selfishness inside me grows and I become more and more selfish. I walk towards darkness and continue shortening my boundary.

 Those phone calls only give fresh air to survive.

This realization was the result of recent visit to Mahabaleshwar to spend the stretched weekend holidays of dewaali. Missed one camera as I don’t have and could not take the picturesque hills and dams and sunsets.

 The life is now a days so much routine oriented that nothing to talk about than these breaks from the monotonous Mumbai life.

Pervious to Mahabaleshwar break was 15 days spent at home in my village in Bengal. This was  for Durga Puja celebration.

But tt’s like the beautiful things associated with Durga Puja have changed so much or my way of looking those things because of growing old. The things which used to make Durga Puja time as one of most memorable days of the year are not interesting any more like those Addas with friends, going for Pratima Darshan with friends, staring pratima (read beautiful girl dressed specially for the occasion), the smell of new clothes as well as Sarodiya Patrika (special magazine published by Newspaper Houses with novels, poems and stories of contemporary as well as renowned authors). All are seemed to be things of past and really don’t excite more.

 And most importantly, this puja was without you. So the extent of misery is comprehensible.

 But there was light at the end of tunnel and those four days were awesome. I know though this is strange, but dear, Thank you.

 Liked the movie “Wake Up Sid” because that’s what I was telling to myself. The reason to be happy in Mumbai, as shown in the movie, is to have your best friend with you. And if she/he is your love, then no place can be better than Mumbai. Here people give you so much space (read- the least bothered about you), that when you are with your BF/GF, the level of privacy you can enjoy is unimaginable and if you are without him/her, then that sheer ignorance or space takes your nerve. Literaly.

 I know these are more or less common in each city but I feel severity is much bitter here in Mumbai. “Kitna daru piyoge aur kitna shopping mall main jaoge?”

 Sometime I feel whether am I a fake person? In one hand I want companionship and on other hand I don’t show emotion to people, don’t shout with them and don’t do whatever they want from me. But is being an individualistic a Sin? I’m like that only and from the very first day when I realized myself, have not tried to change because I don’t want to. I love to be alone or to be with whom I decide to. That’s my selfish life and I’m very happy for it. I don’t want to create problem for anybody neither do I care for anybody. If people misunderstand me, frankly speaking, that hurts but it’s also true I’m helpless too.

Now after the military forces taking control over the place, if we feel that things will be perfect, then we must be living in utopian dream world.

It’s really ill-fated the way the state acted in the whole occurrence without trying to going to the root of the problem. The force is not the solution of the happening in Lalgadh as well as surrounding areas and mere Banning of the Maoist in the state will not do any good. If that was the panacea, then the states of Chhattisgarh as well as Jharkhand would not have been taken over by the Maoist at least two third portion after respective state banning the Maoist organizations.

The area Lalgadh and surrounds is made of Western Lateritic Soil and thus the very reason of success of rural economy i.e agriculture is absolutely in abysmal condition of lower water absorption capacity of the soil. The situations have worsened by relentless neglect by the state t mechanisms, rampant corruption in the name of development work, oppression by police force. One of the sources of livelihood of these tribal people (about 20% adivasi, 22 % schedule caste and 50% mahato), forest, has been made out of reach in the name of protection act and raging corruption in the name of Joint forest Management by forest officials. In the year 2007, when the West Bengal State Government had established an development setup for the upliftment of western parts of the state, about 43 blocks out of 70 were from Lalgadh and surrounding areas as they are the poorest blocks in the state. The officials had never tried to understand the need of the people of these regions and instead they allocated funds sitting in cold room.

The need is to go to the root of the problem and solve, instead of applying force. But the Left Government is not doing that, so as the opposition parties. To gain the vote bank from other regions, Left are saying the TMC and Maoist are like both of coin where as TMC is terming Maoist movement as result of Left Government’s ruling in the state.

So the time has not come to rejoice over the success of the force but the think deeply about the people with respect to their need so that these people don’t feel associate with the Maoist and take part enthusiastically in the development process, the “development of Masses”.

 This is not the End , but the beginning….

Why every YRF is based on Punjabi family background. Only because of Big Punjabi NRI market in UK, US and Europe?

Anyway my discomfort is not with the love story as I always love “Love Story in true Bollywood Style”.

But I was irritated to the theme of the movie and the portrayal of lead female character.

YSR will claim that they have portrayed heroine as progressive woman who marries to unfamiliar person to keep her father’s word, participate dance competition, drives bike in Jhon Abhraham style and then most important timely cook and also sometime brings tiffin for her husband, whom she can’t love, in his office. Wow. “True Bharatiya Nari”

WTF. Who will tell this YSR that they don’t need to show any super woman to say that women are progressive? Is today’s woman so brainless that they need some one like Raj Kapur to love? To gain love from a woman, why the simple Surinder Soni needs to become Raj or Macho (BTW, repetitive pronunciation of the word Macho in Punjabi dialect resembled one vulgar Hindi word. Is that director wanted? If yes, then salute this modern age director. He is quite progressive indeed :D)? And why suddenly heroine saw Rab or God in Surinder Soni at the end? Is woman so stupid?

The movie will be super hit I guess. And this will be because of Badshah, Mr King Khan.  The audience was stand still even at 2 AM in one multiplex of Mumbai where the Surinder Soni aka King Khan was describing his Japan honeymoon story in title card in the most stupid way and the way people were eagerly listening to Shahrukh, true reflection of love and loyalty people have towards him.

First the September salary was credited in my A/C and then I become
free of all the “Flat life Liabilities/Responsibilities” as all my flat mates had gone to their homes to celebrate dewaali.

So I spent the whole week all alone in my flat with economic and personal freedom and I would say this experience is one of the best in my life.

Why?

See the positive sites of being all alone in flat :-

1.  Cook and Eat whatever, Whenever and However :- eat cooked Rice, Daal and Fish continuously three nights(I cooked Rice, Daal and Fish on Thursday and I eat those things on Thursday, Friday and Saturday consecutively.
2. See the TV channels You wish to
3. See Movies what ever you want: Saw some Awesome Cartoon Movies like “Finding Nemo”, “Madagaskar” on my newly bought Philips DVD player with 5.1 creative Inspire Music System.
4.  Listen songs whatever you want- “Nadeem Sravan and Kumar Sanu Jodi”-My favorite
5.  No deliberation to write the “Sansar ki Expenses” on “Sansar ki Expense Notebook”
   
6. No one to say anything to buying: Bought pirated DVDs worth (worthless?) Rs.1000. I guess if Gitesh was there, he would not have allowed buying such things.

So thorough enjoyable week with some coolest moments spent in Alibag, shopping in Churchgate, Visit to Nariman point and Worli Sea-Face for official works

People would wonder how I could spend the week alone but I would say that I enjoyed it fullest and was not bored at all.

So the logical question now will be, when I like this “All Alone” life so much, then why I should not switch to this life only?

No, I can not. Not because of expenses but from obvious reasons. See, in this week I went to “Shopper’ Stop” alone and believe me it was so boring. I could not buy anything as there was no one to tell me whether it is looking good on me or not.

There was no one to taste “Fish” made “single handedly” first time in my life

There was no one to rebuke, no one to fight over use of “More vs Less oil” or “Veg vs Non Veg food”, “Indian Idols vs CNBC TV18 ” “New Songs Vs Old Songs 

One week is ok but not more that.

Guys “I miss you so much and it hurts”

Yesterday I went to Alibag, a costal town in Raigad district of Maharashtra; It is three hours journey from Mumbai. The Place is famous for its beautiful  and most importantly less crowded beaches and clean water and clean sand and Kolaba Fort. The easiest way to go this place is to take ferry service from Gateway of India and the trip takes just 45 minutes. It takes to a place called Mandawa port, which is again popular place for resorts of Bollywood celebrities. From Mandawa, one can reach Alibag by bus service. Actually the ferry services to alibag include this bus journey also and thus you don’t have to take any pain to find bus or wait for bus at Mandawa. One can reach Alibag from Mumbai by Bus or Train but both are time consuming.

I first heard about Alibag in Shahid and Amrita’s debut movie “Ishq-Vishq” which was my life’s ever FDFS movie  J  and I never thought I will be ever going to the place but Destiny had thought differently!

Alibag, as the name is sweet, the place is also very sweet. The most attracting part is for me that it is very less crowded and I guess if anyone  want to be with himself/herself or want to spend time in private with special persons, then Alibag is absolutely a good option. The beach is clean with clean sand and beach side Casurina Jungle is nice place to take rest.

I went to the place with Kallol. We started our journey from Borivali at 7.30 and reached Alibag at 11.00. We first wanted to go to the Kolaba Fort which is one of the attractions of this place. But as we learned that as it was high tide time, so it is not possible to go. We have to wait to water coming down at low tide time which generally happens around 2-2.30. So we went to Varsoli Beach which is again nice and clean, almost picturesque.

It was fashion day for me thanks for ever rocking enthusiasm of Kallol. He clicked me in every possible pose to make sure that I don’t look bad (Picture uploaded in Flickr). I must say, he has really clicked some awesome pictures.

As we were interested in going to fort, after lunch we started our journey. Very interestingly the water level had come down and the place what we had seen in morning as full of water was now like a football ground of sand. We had to walk about 1-2 Km to reach the fort but after heavy lunch it was becoming difficult for me to walk as my Tummy was not permitting. So we hired a Tanga (Yea, driven by Horse) and reached the fort by 5 Minutes. Kolaba fort (Though the name has nothing to do with Colaba, Mumbai) was built by Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj in 1652 to keep a check on the activities of the foreign naval powers of English, Portuguese and the Siddhi of Janjira (Source:Wikipedia). It always nice to talk with History as it reveals so much. The knowledge of people of those eras is really stunning and their art reflects their knowledge. Kolaba Fort is also not an exceptional. Here also Kallol clicked some good pictures. We returned from Alibag at 6 PM.

As you are out of Mumbai or any other Metro, the environment changes, you then see colour of nature instead of colour of thronging crowd; you then listen the music of nature instead of horns of car, buses; the sky become clearer. Now if you add sea in this picture of nature, every thing becomes pristine.

So visit to Alibag (or places like these) will be always recharging and refreshing experience and recommending you to visit such near by places to recharge yourself J

The boringness in Mumbai is colossal like its skyscrapers here, standing all alone in the sky. Beautifully decorated with NO life inside it.

I am still unable to draw any conclusion. It’s like Im becoming the Egg of the famous presentation. Very Hard and Rigid.

Seriously I am thinking, what’s wrong with my life? Is it me thinking in this way or it’s the truth? What is there in this life after completing MBA and doing job? It’s like so monotonous. Same thing you are doing everyday with same thinking process and procedures. I did  MBA as I don’t wanted a “10 to 5” job, but here what I am doing? Coming to office at 10 and going back to flat at 8 pm. The only happiest moment among these is the time I checked my bank account on 27^th of every month because my salary gets credited on this day.

Life after MBA: what’s extraordinary if you are not staying in your home?

Three to four friends staying together, if any body knows cooking then start cooking at home or order in the hotel. If you drink, then drink everyday or in the weekend. If you don’t drink then see your friends drinking and enjoying. Then if you want to enjoy, options are Malls and Movies. But how many days you will do al these

same thing with same life style: are you not becoming bore easily?

Where is the “Tashan” in life?

Did many things to kill my boredom…Like started cooking, started daily share trading, tried morning movie on weekend, jogging, quitted drinking, quitted smoking and again starting….all these nonsense stuffs…still no improvement.

I am seriously bored with my life.

People if you have any idea please share…I need it desperately L

Some interesting thoughts came out during those two discussions we attended. Like, if MFI  start to think of Corporate Social Responsibility or CSR then, where are we heading and another thought like,in this credit squeezed scenario, can the Bigger MFIs or so called Tier-I MFIs can lend to Tier-III or Start up Organization to make them creditworthy to banks or investors.

I must say this was eye opening for me. Microfinance is no longer mere social concept. This event was attended by people from multiple sectors, be it Asset Management Companies, Investment Banking, Venture Capitalist, Donor Agency. …and the list goes on.

It was inspiring for me to see those finalists with spark and full of confidence in their eyes to do something for the society. It was nice talking to the Man behind Bihar Development Trust, Mr. Ravi Chandra.

I was very delighted to see the Praseeda Kunam who used to our Guest Faculty in Rural Finance Subject wining the “Most Innovative Business Plan –One” award for her work in Rewa District of Madhya Pradesh. Those who know Rewa, they can understand what efforts she is putting by her own MFI Samhita there.

The final prize was awarded to Pochampally Chentha Kalanetha / Akshara. , the initiative of G Muralidhar.

After the Dinner we met with some of our seniors (alumni) and it was refreshing experience talking to them.

It was three and half day tour (24^th to 28^th June) and we reached Hyderabad on 24^th Night. It was indeed my first travel by Air and frankly speaking I was frightened. The day before the actual journey, late night edition of 9XNews was exclusively carrying a half hour story on recent time aero-plane accidents and believe me every time I was changing my remote, it was getting standstill on that channel only. Hope you can imagine how good sleep I had that night.

The first flight experience in one word: Good. I was terrified when the plan was taking off, I was terrified when the plan was jerking in the mid air and I was terrified when the plane was landing. The smile of the beautiful air hostesses even was not enough to relieve me.So I can’t rate this journey more than “Good”. The come back flight was cool and I guess I am now quite confident for journey by fight.

Ok the real story started at the night when we had reached the Hotel which is almost 30 KMs away from the stunning Rajiv Gandhi International Airport (my senior Darshini from her personal experience shared that this airport is even better than Paris International Airport). First thing I had to do after reaching hotel was to give food to the Vodafone Dog so that it can bark (read: recharge my Vodafone mobile). So I went out from the hotel around 10.30 and I thought recharging of my mobile would be the easiest job in the universe. Coming from Mumbai, it was unimaginable for us to think that a city can be closed at mere 10.30 PM. So first, I went upto 1 KM by walking to right hand direction. It was absolute shocking to see that there was not a single shop open at that time. I thought then that the left side direction would be active as it’s the era of Left (be it IPL, Nuclear Deal or Oil Price reaching 148 dollar, Left are all there). So I went to the left direction and it was truly futile effort. I had to come back to hotel without recharging. The story does not end here. Before leaving the hotel I along with Ravi gave order for Dinner and when I was coming back empty hand, I was appeasing my mind that I will have good time as I had given order of Special Hydrabadi Biriyani. There was no food in the hotel’s room and it was almost 45 min over. Ravi checked to the reception and the famous answer came that the kitchen was closed at 10 and so there was no food (that son of b***h receptionist did not say this at the time when we gave our order). Nothing could have better than this. After disastrous food at the flight (I could not believe how food can be so tasteless at the flight when they are taking so much money), I was terrible hungry and Ravi too. So again I had to come out of hotel with hope (I guess it was greater that Lance Armstrong’s hope) that if any where any thing I get to eat. After 1.5 km walking me saw a bakery shop open and I bought cake and biscuit for my dinner. It was tastier than Biriyani at that time J

The first Day Training was general classroom training on Microfinance, its models and Legal Aspects. It was nothing new for me as I already had little bit exposure. But it was special for me because I could not believe that I was being taught by none other Mr. Shankar Dutta, the Livelihood and Microfinance Expert. It was dream coming true after the lunch when “Father of Indian Microfinance and Livelihood”, Vijay Mahajan Sir came to give us lecture on Bank and Microfinance linkage. He is really superb and I would like to give one example how passionate this man is for development of marginal people. He was telling a real life incident of his own house maid and one boy who collects garbage from his house. Sir wanted that these people should also be part of financial inclusion and they must have account in bank. We spend thousand words and write papers after papers for this financial inclusion. But when it was a simple act (accounts opening of these so called marginal people, so many obstacles, rules, regulations arise and ultimately the sufferer is these people). Without exception, it was not possible for that house maid and that boy to open account.

May be it was plain  incident, but the way Vijay Mahajan Sir was expressing his concerns for these people, it was clearly comprehensible that those words were directly coming from his heart. I was really wondering that a man like his stature (who has nothing to gain) is still so energetic; his eyes spark when he talks about these people. Salute Sir!!

The next day was supposed to be the field visit and it was in a place called Vidar which is district headquarter of District Vidar, Karnataka. The journey to Vidar from Hydrabad was excellent (Darshini please don’t mind, those Kishore Kumar’s songs were amazing). I was really missing those IIFM Field Trip days when similarly in a Zeep or similar kind of vehicle, we five people used to travel the country roads of Karnataka along with forest officials. The mood in the vehicle used to be much dramatic with Abhishek’s witty remarks, real mock fight between Vaibhav and Kalpana and Shweta’s act of reconciliation aunty. “Jane Kahan gaye woh din”!!

The journey was good till the time when actually we realized that we were being directed by a Hyperactive Human Being who had lost his way to the place where we supposed to spend that night. Shrey, Getting lost is not good all the time specially when you are lost not because of you but because of a third person whom you are not liking. I can’t count how many times our Quails driver took “U Turn” that night. Finally we discovered that place and I must say it was beautiful Guest House. Actually it was Guest House cum Training Center of DCCB, Vidar. The dinner served that night was amazing.

Next day was hectic and we had to cover and see the microfinance operation being run by NGOs (Pawardha), MFIs (Nirantara and NKRDS) and Bank (DCCB, Vidar) at the same time. It was incredible to see those women with much confidence and smile in the group meeting of SHGs as well groups formed by MFIs. That part of Karnataka has much higher penetration of Microfinance operation because of the influence of adjacent “Microfinance Mecca of India” Andhra Pradesh and it was first time for me to see the cross borrowing by borrowers (One Borrowers borrowing from different MFIs). I guess it has both advantage as well disadvantages and its upto the MFIs to decide that whether they are feeding to those whose stomach are already filled or still hungry. It was also first time for me to see the Community Based Microfinance Institutions (GMASS) where community members themselves have built MFI out of their need and few women who were once mere borrowers have made into the board of the MFI.  

The returning journey was nothing special except for Darshini who might not forget those songs that our Driver played at the end of our Journey. It was awesome CD produced by Great Gulshan Kumar of T-Series. The songs were supposed to be for the broken heart and broken souls but the dialogues, in between the songs, were so hilarious that even every broken soul will might burst out in laugh J

We retuned hotel around mid night after breathtaking dinner at a Dhaba whose name was “International Dhaba” J

The last day was normal classroom teaching and finally it was over by 4.30 PM. Our fight was at 9 and so we had time to see the “Charminar”. It was nothing exceptional and I did really not like that throng there. We returned to hotel at 6 PM and Checked out to catch Radio Cab for airport at 6.30.

The Return from the Hyderabad was cool. Over all it was good experience minus Hyderabadi Biriyani. Please Curse me for the reason that I did not  eat “Hyderabadi Biriyani” in Hyderabad L

Initially  I was reluctant to go to this get together ( I guess over the period I have developed a perfect skill of saying NO to every thing that comes under sun firstly and Ravi n Gitesh might be realizing this very harshly ). Anyway a call from someone made my mood and I went there along with Atul, Gitesh n Ravi ( Forget about the road Bhool Bhulaiya ).

Meeting with the seniors almost after one year is always refreshing as more so with this gang in Sion because of their warm attiutde.  I must say even before entering their flat, the smell of chicken coming was equally heart mingling.

Apart from the chicken, there was “The Great Rajiv Singh”, whose unique accent, style as well as leg pulling were enjoyable by the same token.

Is it all..obviously not. How this party can be completed without great OLD MONK…so Old Monk ruled and we had blast… Long Live Old Monk…Long Live Party !!